I wish faith was easy.
I wish it was true that all I need to do is say a sinner’s prayer and I’m saved forever, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. I wish I could just read my (66-book) Bible and go to church and listen to the preacher and take sermon notes and follow Christ and be comfortable while still growing in faith, because even comfortable faith requires some growth. I wish I could decide what I believed based on how I felt it measured up to my interpretation of the Bible, and toss out the hard things that I don’t understand.
And my pretty little simple faith comes tumbling down.
I don’t really want to be Catholic. It’s hard. I don’t get the birth control thing (and following that is going to be so, so hard). I get the Mary thing to a point, after which I start whispering “Seriously?!?!?” under my breath. Same thing happens with praying to saints. I’m sure there are other, smaller things..things that just don’t make much sense to me. But I can’t pick and choose, because if the Catholic Church is right, then they’re right and what she says goes. So I cross my fingers and hope that somehow I can get out of this.
Then I look at history, and I realize there is no way I can reconcile any other denomination of Christianity with it and still be intellectually consistent. I also realize there is no way I can choose to be intellectually inconsistent and still live with myself.
So, I’m becoming Catholic. Still. In spite of myself.