My daughter just went to sleep and it’s almost midnight. Her sleep schedule (or rather her normal routine) was all out of whack today, probably because she’s teething or she didn’t take a morning nap or we’re in the process of moving or life is just too exciting or any combination of the above plus somethig I haven’t thought of yet. She’s so antsy and when she’s awake (which, if you haven’t figured out yet, is most of the time) it is impossible for me to get anything done. So I spend a lot of time watching tv shows on Netflix. My primary emotion towards my daughter today has been frustration and I feel guilty about that. I don’t know how to get un-frustrated.
We are moving. We will be so much closer to my family and it will be so much easier for me to get out and be around people and get help with the baby. This will help. Also I am going to go see a counselor. Really. The whole moving thing happened and derailed my plans.
My faith is all confused. Well not quite. I’m becoming Catholic. I’m convinced. But life is hard, with hard questions and answers which so often seem, or are, inadequate. So living this faith is anything but easy. I’m still stumbling along. On a related note, I am about five days behind in Bible in 90 Days. But that’s okay because I will still read the Bible much faster than I ever have before.
This is the part of the blog post where I’m supposed to put a spin on all this and make it into an awesome lesson or inspiration or something. But honestly, I don’t have one. I can tell you that my daughter is so cute, and I love her in a way I never knew existed. I love my husband and he is so good to us. My life is still beautiful. Even though I struggle. But at the end of the day, I still feel like I fail at life. I’m having a hard time adjusting. And…that’s my life right now.